Corners

Corners meant to cry in,
the bed, the pillow…

Love you’s laced in lies,
lost in separation,
and I am left in limbo.

Disassociation, splinter’d
bleeding

I settle believing this is
the best I ever had,
and I watch you walk out the door again,

a smile, a kiss,
the love you utter’d, covered
in deceit, I can taste
your shame,

but you leave anyway.

I turn a blind eye,
pretending, I am ever pretending
after all,

something is better than nothing,
isn’t it?

I head to the corner
curl up with yet another pillow
these words my only sanctuary,

words you will never read,
a waste if you ask me,
for if you were to digest

everything I have written for you,
would you choke on their truth,
or better yet,

would you feel something….

anything at all?

BAN June 29, 2019 11:09 am

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Haunted

We love like ghosts,
a trace of presence when back is turned
fingers travel to the spot
where I wish you had been
 
but all that is left is a faint remembrance
of your whispers
from another world
oceans away
swept up and carried
 
in falling embers
of wars fought
in body and mind.
 
These chains rattling
a warning of what is to come,
an echo of what has fallen behind
 
and with nothing left but to wait for you…
 
the only haunting
I ache for.
 
BAN June 13, 2019 10:23 am
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Please Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood

Voice stilled
not even a strum
could elicit a hum

from chords
held tight

stretched to the point
of breaking…

God forbid they snap
and unleash tongues
of a forbidden language

yet to be heard,
least of all

understood.

BAN © May 2, 2019 8:09 pm

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Missing You

It’s 3 am, they say where your mind wanders is where your heart lies… your name, an echo within my rib cage, a vocal resonance with undertones of longing, can you hear me calling?

I know it’s crazy to miss you this much, I crave an hour, a minute of your attention, guarded for so long, my defenses are weak, I’ve detected a breach, and I am left exposed. These spaces we fall between, reaching yet never touching, I am in such a state, my skin tight, waiting, wanting…

If only you knew how much effort it takes to walk such a fine line, I try so hard but I am falling…forever falling into the depths of your spell, I mouth the incantation, wondering if you are falling too…

BAN February 15, 2019 8:24 pm

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In the Wake of Your Silence

Alone

In the wake of your silence
I wait,

reluctantly…

(if only you knew how the silence
chills me to the bone)

In the wake of your silence
I wait…

alone.

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Supernova

supernova2019

 

He says, “You revealed yourself once, took it all off in the name of love. Dance, how you danced, free in your tie-dyed skirt the color of the sky, barefoot and arms extended, a tiny dancer of dreams. I remember your hair, it was long and flowing, made of golden sunbeams, your eyes as green as grass, and your smile, man your smile was an infectious disease with no available cure. Your heart was so full of life and flowers, you smelled of jasmine blooming late in the night, one just had to follow where you led…”

He pauses, wishing she would look at him as he continued, “…don’t you understand? No one really knows when your light dimmed, if it happened all at once, or if it were more of a slow death, you were so bright, no one seemed to notice when the shadows started to creep in, some say it was the drugs, I say it was something far more sinister. To hear you tell it, it was always there, fools blinded by something you couldn’t maintain.”

Never looking at him, she breaks her silence and says, “It is you who does not understand, you see, I was more like a supernova, a star that suddenly increases greatly in brightness because of a catastrophic explosion that ejects most of its light only to disappear leaving those who witnessed it, the question of whether or not I was there at all.”

She breaks into a smile, turning to look at him, she takes his face into her hands and says, “It’s just like you, to bring this around again, you long so much for what used to be, you refuse to look to the single event that caused such beauty to expand and retract. There is only so much a heart can hold, joy, pain…no one will ever know which consumed me.”

She looks away, her eyes drift off and in whisper she says, “Perhaps it is for the best, so few will ever know the experience, not everyone can claim to be a supernova…I am made of the stars, no matter how short lived, in spite of the shadows, I still shine….”

a tear escapes and she looks to him again, eyes searching, “…can you not see me?”

BAN January 26, 2015 8:12 am

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Needing

He said, “I’m needing you, you knew that didn’t you?”
 
I am not sure who he was saying it to, a thought whispered with a clear idea of where it needed to be heard, with the strange notion that if I knew how much I could somehow set him free…
 
the lies we tell ourselves, all this holding back when all we want to do is let go, falling asleep in the wake of brokenness, the bodies we leave behind, and the hearts, the hearts that beat from one moment to the next not knowing why they must beat at all. It is all too much. Did you know before your breath formed the first syllable, I knew? Yes, I know,
 
and I hold it close, your needing, and all I want to say falls silent in the knowing, as if knowing can ever be enough, will never be enough when I can’t hear the voice behind the question. I imagine the timbre, the tone, and it is deep, it is too deep for comprehension, so we keep holding on, lest we be forgotten.
 
BAN January 25, 2019 7:06 pm
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